


Coming Clean

by keita52



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Character Study, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24723379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keita52/pseuds/keita52
Summary: John follows up on his promise to explain things to Iris. After 5x01, “B.S.O.D.”
Relationships: Iris Campbell/John Reese
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16
Collections: Exchange of Interest 2020





	Coming Clean

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aragarna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragarna/gifts).



Iris lay in bed, watching the shadows play across John’s hair as he slept. Some people looked vulnerable and soft when they slept. Not John. His body was taut under the sheets, his breathing shallow. He was the kind of person who slept with one eye open, waking at the slightest sound or the barest hint of movement. 

The only time she saw vulnerability and softness in him was when he looked at her.

It was something she held close to her heart -- memories of his face during intimate moments, the soft smile that was his version of a broad grin. She could affect him -- this man who held everything close to the chest, who carried more secrets than any other person she’d ever known -- in ways that no one else could. She’d held to that during her impromptu vacation, the one that he’d told her to take. She  _ mattered _ to him. 

_ That isn’t enough to build a relationship on _ , the logical part of her said.  _ Not a true one. Not one that means a lifetime together, leaning on each other when times get tough. _

_ How much do you really know about John Riley? _

“Not enough.” 

She wasn’t aware she’d spoken aloud until she saw John stirring. Iris reached out a hand before she could stop herself, resting it against his forehead. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

And there was that softness she’d just been thinking about, that smile. The one that made her feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. “It’s okay. Wasn’t really asleep.”

“John.” She took a breath and steadied herself, wanting to erase the quaver she’d heard when she said his name. “You said --”

“That we’d talk. That I’d explain things.” He levered himself upwards, resting against the headboard. “I don’t -- it isn’t that I don’t trust you, but --”

She controlled her impulse to snap out an angry reply, something about putting her through all that worry and  _ still _ refusing to tell her  _ what was happening _ . She rested her hand on top of his and tightened her grip.

For a long moment, he just looked at her. Like he was memorizing her face because this might be the last time he saw it. “Not everything is mine to tell,” he finally said.

Iris let out a breath and nodded. No, John wasn’t a man to reveal other people’s secrets. So there would still be holes in whatever story he told her. Somehow, she’d known that would be the case. She felt like she should be more upset about that. That logical part of her, the one that still insisted this was an impossible relationship, was insisting she should be upset.  _ He can’t keep his word. He’s living some kind of lie. You’ve known that from the start. _

“Tell me what you can, then.”

John went silent again. Choosing his words, no doubt. “Like I said, you had me right. I’m not a cop. My first day at Homicide was the first time in a long while that I --” He stopped, shaking his head, letting out a soft chuckle at a joke that wasn’t really all that funny. “I wasn’t a detective before then. Or any kind of police officer.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Iris said. “Your records--”

“Faked. I have a -- friend -- who’s very good at that sort of thing.”

Either the NYPD was slacking, or John’s friend was more than just ‘very good’. “Why take on that role, then?”   


John grimaced. “I needed to hide in plain sight.” He paused. “Still do, come to think of it.”

“I wouldn’t have thought that a homicide detective would be good for that.”

He shrugged. “Wouldn’t have been my choice, but. I wasn’t given one. Plus --” his face shifted into a wry smile -- “Lionel and I have some, ah, history.”

It was an answer, but not much of one. Still, Iris nodded and kept her gaze trained on his face. “So what’s your real job then?”

“I help people.” He’d told her that before, but this time she actually paid attention to the gravity of those words coming from him. 

“That’s not a job, that’s a calling.” Maybe she should’ve kept that observation to herself. Continually questioning him wasn’t going to get him to open up; she’d learned that in their first few sessions together. 

“A purpose,” John said, seeming more amused than anything else. “Both. All. I get paid, and I do it because -- if I don’t do it, no one will. If I don’t intervene, people die. Lives are ruined. I can’t just stand by.” He paused, then added, “Not anymore.”

The pieces were starting to come together. Someone had pointed John in this direction of ‘helping people’, and John had adopted the cause as his own. Someone had enough money to bankroll whatever it was he was doing. What did that make John? Some kind of …

“It’s  _ you, _ ” Iris said, stunned and wondering how she hadn’t seen it before now. “You’re The Man In The Suit.” She’d listened to what seemed like endless rounds of arguments and speculations about this man. A vigilante who came out of nowhere to intervene, sometimes helping the cops, sometimes not. 

And the detective who had been most invested in that vigilante, the detective who’d been pulled onto an FBI task force dedicated to finding him, was Joss Carter. Lionel Fusco’s partner before John. 

John had talked about a mentor, a cop who had taught him what it meant to  _ be  _ a cop. Iris had thought it had been one of the teachers at the Academy, maybe his senior partner after he’d graduated. Iris was suddenly certain that the cop John tried to model himself on was Joss Carter, and she couldn’t help but feel a flare of jealousy at the thought of the two of them being close. They had been, even though Carter had been trying to catch him and bring him to justice.

Of course, in the end, Carter had … well, ‘gone rogue’ wasn’t entirely accurate, since she’d received a commendation for rooting out the batch of corrupt cops calling themselves ‘HR’. But she had done it with unconventional tactics and resources.

“She found you. Carter -- she tracked you down. And started working with you. Fusco, too?” It had to be; he’d said that he and Lionel had a history. 

“You put that together rather nicely,” John said, leaning forward to kiss her on the forehead.

“There’s a reason they pay me the big bucks,” she quipped, resting her head against his shoulder for a moment. “Okay.”

John waited several minutes before he spoke. “Okay?”

“That’s who you are,” she said. “That’s what you do. Okay.”

“Don’t you want to know more?” She’d surprised him, clearly.

“Of course I do,” Iris said, tilting her head and pressing her lips against the hollow of his neck. “I  _ want _ to know everything. But you’re not going to tell me everything. You can’t, or won’t. You warned me that some secrets aren’t yours to tell. Who else you work with, how you get your information, your resources -- telling me would put all of that in jeopardy.” She looked up, smiling at the astonished expression on his face. “I  _ did _ go through the Academy, John.”

He bent his head and kissed her, a long and lingering kiss that left her feeling breathless. “I don’t deserve you, Iris.”

She made herself smile at him. She knew she wouldn’t be able to convince him otherwise, no matter how long and convincingly she argued. 

And she was -- maybe -- beginning to regret her demand to know more. Because what he’d told her had just intensified her feeling that she would eventually lose him. 

No, she wasn’t going to get a lifetime with him. Not unless he gave up being a vigilante, and she didn’t really think that was going to happen. It was better not to think about how things would end. Better just to savor the moments and enjoy her time with him while it lasted.

Iris lay back down and cuddled against John Riley’s chest, doing her best to banish fear and uncertainty.


End file.
